On being a Storyteller.

Hello.

I haven't written in a while. And that shadow of a monster- of the writer's block was growing in size with each passing day. 

Magical, larger than life moments would happen, but somehow they'd all seem beyond words. As if I couldn't contain it in sentences. A whole month passed like that. It bothered me. It bothered me a lot, I'm not someone who bottles up emotions, especially joy and suddenly there was an ocean of layered experiences , all rooted in happiness getting latched behind a door that was so stubborn. It didn't allow them to even peek into a journal. Or the notes on my phone. Not even close. It all remained, silenced and selfishly secluded - against my will.

And then, last night, I decided I had to break this loop. Shatter this dry spell. I made a decision mentally. I manifested words. To just relentlessly write the next day. I just had to write no matter what or how much resistance my body felt and just like that, life gifted me with one of the best days of my life. Words right now, are waiting to be let out in order, in sequence, in joy.

I woke up knowing it was a day destined to celebrate teachers. My morning began with a good flow and better productivity than yesterday.

As I filled my gratitude journal, I had a subtle background thought running in my mind like the backdrop of a choreographed play, like clouds fleeting, I wished to meet Sudhir sir today. I thought it was a great day to actually meet and catch up. I knew I had to wish him, I didn't know if I'd call or write a letter on WhatsApp. So I let time push me to an inspired action.

I went about my day, having lunch with my sister at her favourite cafe. We celebrated a milestone in her journey. I then came back and sent in a few emails, which were long pending this whole week. It felt relieving to check things off a rusty to-do list. And in that moment of feeling light, I automatically picked the phone and dialled ~Sudhir Sir.

The phone rang and rang and rang, I almost thought he wouldn't pick and I'd have to hang up, and in that last moment of holding onto to wait, he picked.

Hello madam, said the voice on the other end.

HI SIRRR, Happy Teachers Day!!

It was a tradition. I'd call him every teacher's day regardless of how long it's been.

And just as the conversation grew, he told me he would be there at tuition today and I could come over to catch up.

I shrieked over the call itself. I was so excited. I felt so excited to go back to my place, a tuition that was my foundation for core concepts of school and mainly, life.

I packed a box of Mithai from India Sweet House and picked a postcard to write him a letter. This postcard had an adorable red boat on a calm ocean with an expanding warmth of the sun on the right side. The postcard was bright yellow on most parts and that's exactly how tuition made me feel. Yellow. 

I wrote,

Dear Sudhir Sir,

I still remember the very first day I walked up that stair, dad led me. He led me to a place and person that carved a reading corner in my heart. I just realized, it's been a decade to that year and you still radiate all the love, lessons and joy like the sun on this postcard.

To the teacher who is also my best friend.

To the teacher with whom conversations are both meaningful and much needed banter.

Happy Teacher's Day Sir.

I dropped this postcard and sweets in a brown paper bag and got dressed.

I wore light blue wide jeans, a white crop top and a printed indigo kurta that dropped like an open shrug. I wore oxidized jewellery and a small bindi.

I dressed up with an aesthetic that was as Vajj as it gets. Indie.

I walked to the bus stop, the same trail that I'd take earlier. A couple of minutes later, a bus arrived. 176. I got in and trudged through traffic to get down at Mekhri Circle.

By the time I reached, Sir had called me once to check in where I was. He said the current batch of students had planned a little something and asked me to come soon, eagerly.

I crossed the main road through a sky walk and walked. I walked that same trail I'd taken for a whole year once we shifted back to Malleshwaram after living in RT Nagar for three years. The last I went to Tution was in twelfth grade. Five years ago.

I thought the path would feel nostalgic, but surprisingly it didn't. It all felt way too familiar. Five years of walking in and around that area since 8th grade had wired my brain to extreme familiarity. So much that even though I went there after half a decade, it all felt like yesterday. It legit felt like only a year ago or something, that too in maximal measure of nostalgia.

I stepped into that rectangular gate, the floor still held moss between its pavers. The stairs had grown old and dusty but the dust too, seemed familiar.

I took a deep breath and said Vajj, take your best energy with you and walked in. I broke into such a wide smile involuntarily when I looked at Sudhir sir.

It felt so beautiful to be there. In that room. In that place which was my study room and respite.

There were three students sitting where I once sat. Shreya, Neha and Darshini.

I said Hello! noticing them and sir navigated the conversation, giving them a little introduction about me.

He introduced me as his old student, described me as extremely creative and that I write beautifully.

The kids had a lot of questions about me, and they were curiously shooting it towards me.

And somewhere in between, sir was telling them how I always place myself in different experiences and that I call between months to give my story update. And the call always goes on for an hour minimum. It felt beautiful to be described like that. He went on to talk about the Film Companion's-meeting-Yash-experience, the one where I got selected and my question got picked first.

I was like Omgg sir, wait. There are more updates. I was so excited to tell him the latest story.

And then, I asked them if they knew Anuv Jain, they gasped and said they LOVED Anuv Jain in unison. I started telling them the recent story and they just listened. There was some sort of magic in the room and they just wanted me to keep talking.

When I finished the story, they looked at me in absolute amusement. They looked at me with dense aspiration, to become something like me. And then they voiced it out saying OMG you are magical. You are really magnetic, keep talking and I just want to keep listening to you. And that felt so beautiful, to be looked at like you've done something meaningful in life. My stories flowed. We traversed through the travel stories, all the events I go to, the many celebrity conversations, my breakdowns in school or college, the greys, blues and the yellow. And they kept wanting more and more. As each story flowed ,our hearts connected in a very unique way. It linked. It linked with love for each other. Within an hour, there was a beautiful bond. Out of the blue, Shreya said I think you'd have a very aesthetic room. I felt so loved by that assumption drawn based on just the way I dressed and carried myself.

Somewhere in between the conversation, two more kids walked. Mariam and Ibrahim. Siblings.

Mariam looked timid, and a little too guarded. She was in 12th. The boy on the other hand, said HI DIDI loudly and introduced himself and then whispered to sir asking who I was.

I was so in awe of that energy.

As laughter wrapped each person in the room, Darshini picked up a bottle and declared it a mic. She said each one of us would now speak about sir. 

That was exciting. 

I love how they made space to give spotlight to each one of them and actually listen to what every human had to say. I love it when a mic is passed around for people to express how they're feeling, talk about their emotions or how much someone means to them. And this evening, there were big waves of love towards Sudhir sir.

Shreya started,

Sir, you're one of the best teachers I have got in my life so far. Literally so cool as a person, not just in tuition but how you are as a parent with your children and family. I can talk to you about anything and I just love that kind of comfort and freedom.

Sir pointed out to an award his old students had gifted him with ~Best Teacher Award inscribed on that trophy. It still sat on that same left corner, on the top face of the shelf, facing the board just like the students did.

The bottle next moved to Darshini,

Sir, tuition is literally the place where I can tell you anything. Including crushes and other teenage stories. You're my pookie. And everyone on that table joined in to agree with that. He really was their pookie. He has been my pookie. She continued to express how much she's grown from the day she started tutions to that very day, and emphasized on the upcoming NEET exam, and she declared again,  “WHICH, YOU ARE HELPING ME WITH”,

She ended her talk with, I am going to go to AIMS Medical college one day and I'll make you proud. 

I wohoo'd and clapped listening to that.

The bottle was then passed onto Neha,

She expressed how she is her truest version only in tuition. This place and sir made her laugh her heart out, unlike the fake smile that she is forced to stick upon in schools and other places. She loved coming back here because she was truly seen and loved for who she is. And that was so beautiful.

The mic was then passed onto the youngest boy, Ibrahim.

He first refused saying English was a barrier, but sir encouraged him to speak. He spoke how grateful he was to sir because he had pulled that boy out from derailing into a wrong path, and the fact that this boy was now aware of right and wrong was heartwarming.

When the bottle came to me, my heart was so full. Not only because of the breezy exchange of love between us all but because each one of them looked like a reflection of me from different stages of life so far.

Shreya, I have been Shreya. And I am still Shreya in some ways, a little confused about where I am heading, but so potent with energy to make it big. To make it happen.

Neha, I am Neha in how she said tuition was one place where she laughed her heart out. She is her truest version here, and sir, her best friend. I'm also Neha in another sense. In Between the conversation, the heightened Genz part of them were so curious to look at my Instagram. And they did. They gasped at the aesthetic photographs my best friend has clicked of me, I could hear them faintly say "Writers are so aesthetic."

And they fell in love with each portrait there and they kept adoring me, they made me feel extremely beautiful.

And Neha went on to say, “I love being aesthetic. I think I'm aesthetic”- talking about herself.

Her friends laughed, and denied and pulled her leg like friends do. But she was so firm on who she thought she was. She said it again, I know I am aesthetic. 

I love that confidence. And self belief that brewed in that moment. I glimpsed a part of me in her when she made a statement about herself and stood by it.

Darshini, she announced her dream so proudly and gave word that she will make sir proud. I love dreams. I love big dreams. And I love people who have the courage to voice it out and leave it out there, for the universe to listen, look and bring that to life. And I know she will make it one day, and in her; I saw my reflection of the Vajj who dreams. Vajj who makes a promise to herself of making her people proud.

Mariam.

She didn't want to be recorded. She gripped onto fear and anxiety that somehow refused to let go of her. Her self confidence was still demanding time to surface up. Her words struggled to make their way out but conveyed what she felt, in halves. She subtly tried to take deep breaths between sentences, she tried to just be. She was a reader. She asked me questions on my hobbies trying to understand my personality a little more. She tried making conversations but the anxiety lingered. I could sense it all. She was Vajj from 12th. She really was Vajj from 12th. 

My heart felt pulled back to five years ago and kept in front of a shiny mirror, reflecting my past, in each of their presence.

Tuition really feels like home. Having come here for the first time- a decade ago, this relationship with sir and that place has really grown into such a beautiful irreplaceable feeling. One of my best stories.

In the middle of this, the three of them stood up slowly to leave. I was a little surprised because it felt abrupt. Waitt, are you guys leaving?? I asked.

They sat down immediately and said NOOO we don't want to. We want to keep listening to you. You talk. Tell us your stories. Give us some advice. Tell us something. Anything. 

I decided to tell them something that has made me believe in the magic of the universe. Future pacing. I asked them to journal their day in past tense with full emotion and let the day align itself to what they've manifested.

They were all so eager to try it.

And Neha whispered something to Darshini in the middle of our conversations today, I was curious. I was like what?!

She said, “You are the perfect example of beauty with brains” And she repeated that as if convincing herself that this day, the stories and interactions that moved her so deeply were all real, and truly lived by her.

They didn't want to leave. I didn't want them to leave either.

Some of them made their parents wait downstairs because they felt my energy was so magnetic and inspiring and just wanted to stay. Listen more. Stay for a little longer.

And before leaving, Shreya screamed I love you to me and turned away towards the door in full shyness. And the entire group echoed ~I love youuu's to me following her.

And before they really, finally left, Darshini turned back and took my nazar. And the entire group repeated that, again. They said you beautiful human , no nazar for you. You inspired us. I love you.

I felt soo fiercely loved when they took my nazar. I mean, I believe in nazar. I would have anyway taken my nazar after such a high energy interaction but this lovely bunch did it themselves. And I felt protected and guarded by a group of humans who were 7 years younger than me. We exchanged numbers and I made it clear that they could reach out to me any moment.

Ever since I was a child, I have loved stories. I've always loved it when someone would walk into a room with a magnetic energy and tell me interesting stories of their life. I had a phase where I even collected life lessons from strangers and people I knew everywhere I went.

I'd listen with wide shiny eyes because each story felt like a window into a new life.

And today, many years later, I was legit that storyteller. I was that magnetic presence. I was that person who made a crowd feel seen, held and loved by my stories.

Amongst all the confusion I carried myself while surfing the big questions of life, they looked at my story so far and aspired to be me. It was one of the best moments of my life. I felt so charged to keep pursuing more interesting experiences and reaching out to people whilst staying rooted. 

My play in life is still getting choreographed, but in that moment I knew what exactly the backdrop would be. It would be this. Connecting deeply with people gives me a joy as expansive as three oceans meeting, I felt so aligned. So close to life. This is what I want to do. Have conversations with people, leave them with my smile and bring back a story.

Dear Universe,

I am ready for the big stage. I am ready to meet more people, I am ready to tell stories, I am ready for that real job like Princess Diana once quoted.

" I knew what my job was, it was to go out , meet the people and love them."

~Vajjrashri Anand

Illustration credit - Pinterest