Journey of a thousand years in five.

9:11.

I happened to be seeing that number repeatedly since this year began. I first freaked out because it reminded me of the 9/11 disaster, and then upon googling, I found out that it is an angel number. One that signifies greater shifts and leaps in life. It must be true. Because the greater shift has arrived. 

And my graduation too, happened on 9/11. College has ended and floodgates to magic have opened up.

You know this is a very surreal moment for me, one that is flowing out into all corners of my heart without giving me a line to begin with.

I was in the spree of posting all stories, celebrating the architects who graduated with me and finally, in the end, I presented Ar.Vajjrashri Anand in a beautiful picture that my best friend photographed. Wine coloured saree. Oxidized jewellery. Elephant shaped earrings because it is my spirit animal. The divine feminine ring. A choker. And a goddamn nose ring. I looked like a mix of a purple Barbie and a freaking Indian Goddess. I kept re-watching my stories for the fun of it and at one moment, I paused. 

I paused at the photograph where I had the dark blue sash with my University's name on it and a smile so free spirited that one would wonder, is there anything at all that can give this much joy to a human?

There is. Ofcourse, the graduation and all the awards. But beyond it, is the connection with myself.

I looked at my picture- stunningly beautiful and I immediately felt like my younger version from 2019 would crush on this very person. Would admire, adore, write letters and do everything to reach out and connect with her, because love.

I mentally had a conversation with every version of me through the years.

Vajj.

I've held her. I've held her hand tight and walked her through everything and always made sure she experiences all the magic, beauty and tiny and big joys of life.

The intangibles. I'm so full of emotions and I've only nurtured it more. It's my biggest strength. It's like every day is a hide and seek with my inner child, on most days I'm held tight and I feel loved. And some days, I slip down a dark green valley and take lonely walks to find her. My inner voice.

And throughout five years, it was that inner voice that was navigating me. Shifting my gaze when I felt like giving up. Uplifting me. Making me more and more resilient and worthy each day.

Letters- that was my living mechanism. (Is my living mechanism)

To every letter that I wrote to Vajj - before every damn sheet each day and after every damn submission and JURY. Letters to myself all along the way. An entire bookshelf full of journals from this era. Giving myself love. Being gentle, being there when it felt like the ground beneath was berserking away. Pushing limits and horizons of all I ever could. To showing up each day through 10 semesters despite the rain or sunset in my chest.

To every best friend who always stayed on call at midnight while drafting sheets, to every best friend who always shared lunches with me, to every friend who had an aversion, pushed me out and made me feel invisible, to every friend who broke my heart, to every friend who held me and pieced it up, to every friend that has made me drunk on laughter between the crisis, to every friend who has always been there for me to lean on- quite literally, to all of you, I only have love for you in my heart.

To every travel experience that was a portal to anchor myself, find my light while taking a night walk with some ice cream and breeze in a different city.

To the roaring stream of confusion and the feeble basics due to the pandemic that really pushed me to pursue experiences beyond college , to understand the mere language of design.

To my concepts and storytelling that strengthened and sold my designs.

To every NASA experience, to that one magical ANC that's a part of mine, Solarsrishtem's and Shahaan's heart. To NASA, that's been irreplaceable for how much it mirrored the energy of my soul, free spirited.

To every successful Architect I have interacted with who reinforced and said "Relax, even we don't know what exactly we are doing, we're winging it."

To every human I've met in the last five years who has inevitably sharpened my perspective of life and creativity like refining a diamond.

To every evening that slipped into a nightgown without sleep before a final jury, continuously drafting, working, re-doing and waking moments with burning eyes till 5 AM.

To every thought that came in like a dear friend looking out for me, my dear anxiety.

To every thought that multiplied exponentially to chart out all possible scenarios and be better prepared, my dear overthinking.

To every fear that gripped onto me like I am a chosen parent, 

How will we get through this semester?

How will I design when I am so bad at it?

How will I get through structures?

Are my sketches okay in the history sketch book?

What other event can we attend to numb this pain of not being intuitive with design?

How will I learn 3D modelling? OMG I'm so bad at 3D.

Will I get an internship?

How will I survive another 8 semesters?

Should I do architecture after graduating? Or pursue writing?

Should I, do I , What will, But wait , but how omgg

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhh, all the questions my mind spinned out, looping back and forth - back and forth.

Listen my beautiful woman, we've got the answers to all the questions above. You can relax. We now have new questions and a new light to address them.

To all the joys that came with such density that it always made the other person smile too.

To my writing, art and handmade collages that were my absolute release.

To the unwilling dull days in college when loneliness climbed onto me like a grapevine.

To every workshop that has dismantled old ideas and birthed more and more fierce versions of me. To Sneha from NNG. 

To every moment of crisis like my Photoshop files crashing ONE day before the final jury, not being able to make a physical model and navigating through Sketchup like a 5 year old would, to every crushing moment that made me feel so weak that I had no choice but to surrender to the higher power. Lessons in letting go and trusting the universe when it seemed like everything tumbled down one day before the main match.

There were weeks and months when the design would not arrive till the very last moment, to the strength and fire I had in me to get into my beast mode before every jury and draft fiercely.

To every mentor, who's taught me something that will swim up when needed. To Ar.Reza Kabul sir who always made me feel brilliant and chosen. To Glynn ma'am, the one who always roots for me.

To Ar.Sujit Sir, Ar.Smitha and Daniel who taught me more than tolerated me during internship.

To Ani, my most critical and most kind friend.

To my bestfriend, who is my definition of ease. Who held me by my shoulder and thulped all fear and lack of self belief.

To my bestfriends, who have been my constant companions in proximity and distance.

To my parents and sister who are my earth and sky, always grounding me and allowing me to take flight.

To every car ride, conversation, meltdown, site visit, studio and song that carried me. To my dear Anuv Jain and Ritviz.

To my dear drafting table that has been my object of emotional support, always sitting in front of me, listening to me, holding space and all my emotions that splash in torrents.

To every semester that was so brutal yet beautiful.

It has been a journey of a thousand years in five. In both light speed and frozen time, and now it is time to radiate.

I chose Architecture. I made a very single leaned choice of pursuing Architecture in 9th grade and I was in for a roller coaster ride. I genuinely wanted to quit in semester one. I wanted to quit in semester four, five and six. Seven and eight were slightly better. Nine was extremely stressful with unrealistic deadlines and the weight of thesis on my head. Tenth, the internship fully shattered and reinvented me for the best.

And despite having such a difficult banter with Architecture,  a spirit in me kept guiding. My fear of mediocrity was the birth of my ambition and I kept going beyond. Beyond. Beyond. Pursuing parallel experiences to design to cope. Mentorships. Camps. Travel. Workshops. A lot of self work.

And as surreal as it sounds , I am walking out with two awards. The Best Thesis Award and the 2nd Rank Holder in the entire batch of 2019-2024. The degree certificate stated First class with distinction from VTU. This means an incredible lot to me. 

If I got through something that was so challenging to me and yet NAILED IT, I can do anythingg. 

I am Vajjrashri Anand, a Writer and an Architect and I am so ready to witness what the universe has in treasure for me.

Walking out of college with power and grace.

The Girl who carries diamonds and joy in her name ~Vajjrashri Anand.